I have beaten EarthBound innumerable times and for reasons I shall describe, in countless different ways. In replaying this peerless classic, the depth of the experience comes firstly from the exquisite dialogue that is brimming with an astounding amount of truth about life and secondly from the two-pronged nostalgic assault spearheaded by the beautiful character sprites, towns and sceneries and reinforced by the brilliantly appropriate and engaging soundtrack. If I had to find a flaw in perfection, I would say that after scores of playthroughs, it is the gameplay itself that becomes the weakest link in this nigh-invincible chain. Yet who can blame it? I know of no other RPG that stands as invincible against the infinite and unyielding powers of time.

In order to rejuvenate my enjoyment of the gameplay, I often think of some additional challenge to take on in the course of saving the world. I have conquered EarthBound without making use of currency, while finding the rarest of obscure items, without dying, without using items, and most recently while toting a Teddy Bear though stormy seas, under mountains of lava, into my own mind and to the end of time itself. This type of challenge can only go so far though, and in addition to imposing trials on my in-game incarnation, I have also set my physical body to the task of beating the game in a single sitting (this takes anywhere from 15-25 hours depending on the course taken).

But how hard is it really to endure an enjoyable experience for that amount of time? I need a greater challenge, a true test of dedication, concentration and insanity. In this vein, I hereby announce my intention to complete EarthBound using only my feet.

Jumping randomly to the realm of mathematics (a treacherous domain indeed), I raise a question: have you ever wanted a function that is completely useless? A function that bears no physical significance whatsoever and whose only purpose is be shoved in people's faces as a counterexample to claims that are correct in every sense barring minute technicality? I provide for you now the villain of this post: the Dirichlet Function:

After enduring the most conventional of villains in the last post, I decided that we needed a change of pace. I reason that most people view math as their enemy anyway, so why not name a particular mathematical construct as my daily fiend? The above graphic indicates that the Dirichlet function maps rational numbers (a number that can be written as an integer divided by an integer) to 1 and irrational numbers to 0. Sadly the distribution of rational numbers and irrational numbers on the number line is flat-out horrendous and the function's insidious creator took full advantage of this fact when defining this horrid atrocity. A graph of the function would look pleasant enough, with seemingly solid, horizontal lines along y = 0 and y = 1. However, zooming in infinitely close would reveal the true terror lurking within those innocent lines: a random smattering of dots scorning symmetry, continuity and efficacy.