Greetings! How fares it for those of you who aren't me? I arbitrarily presume that is goes well. Despite the elimination of the Rays, baseball has been pretty good in that the Yankees/Phillies World Series has been averted in stunning fashion, with neither team even reaching their respective league championship. Honestly, I'm cool with any of the remaining teams.

A few news items piqued my interest this week, so I'll be a bit unorthodox and discuss them.

The 2011 Nobel Prize in Physics was given out last week to three astrophysicists for the discovery that our universe is expanding. Something called Dark Energy is to blame, and while this might sound bizarre and enigmatic to you, I assure you that it is far more baffling to Physicists. It is currently postulated that 73% of the universe consists of this mystery material, and we know next to nothing about it. I would go as far to say as that it is currently the biggest unanswered question that science has about the universe, and hence the discovery of the question is well worth the highest award the community has to offer. Note that google image searching Dark Energy is pretty funny.

After hundreds of years the greatest minds of humanity have managed to learn a little bit about 4% of the universe! Hopefully our progress will accelerate along with the universe's expansion 

I'm sure you also heard that Steve Jobs died. The man worked for Atari, Pixar, and Macintosh and was one of the most creative and influential businessmen in American history. Countless facets of our lives would be radically different had he not been who he was and done what he did. Much more has been written, so I need not elaborate. Great man.

But now to the maths. Most know that Pi is the famous ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter. So if you were marooned on a desert island with nothing but a circle, a ruler, and the foolish idea to waste your precious energy, you would probably be able to estimate Pi's value fairly well from a few quick measurements. But imagine if things were much worse: What if after failing to pay your cyber-taxes in the 23rd century you were recruited into a astro-debtor's program as a planet-to-planet needle salesmen and forced onto an artificial gravity-enhanced, oak-planked vessel launched into the far reaches of the universe and after a fairly nondescript voyage through the vast, inky blackness between galaxies your ship's computer accidently lost its data for Pi in an ill-advised gamble with the onboard coffee maker and you had no choice but to enter a new value that would, depending on your accuracy, either send you hurtling into a black hole or safely on your way into the lucrative business-bosom of Thread-Star VI. This problem (or one without some of the extraneous details I may have added for dramatic effect) troubled the Comte de Buffon in the 18th century. Given a set of parallel lines and a needle, he showed the you can actually come up with an experimental calculation for Pi. Here's how to solve the famous problem of Buffon's Needle:

Suppose I randomly drop a needle of length L onto a set of parallel lines a width d (where d > L) apart as indicated in the above diagram. There are only two free parameters given this situation, the perpendicular distance x from the center of the needle to the nearest line, and theta, the acute angle between the needle and the aforementioned perpendicular. From these constraints we know that the possible values for x range from 0 to d/2 and the possible values for our angle range from 0 to Pi/2. Since all values for each variable are equally possible within these bounds, my probability density functions for each will be uniform. Calling them A and B and normalizing (ensuring that the sum of all probabilities is one) gives:

Now we need only integrate over the relevant parameter-space to determine the odds that the needle will cross a line. A bit of geometry shows that this will happen whenever half the length of the needle times the cosine of the angle it makes with the perpendicular is greater than the distance to the nearest line. Hence the probability that a randomly dropped needle will cross a line is given by:

So, if your needle happens to be the exact same length as your line spacing, the odds the needle will cross a line are 2/Pi or about 64%. Hence, given enough free time you could drop a whole bunch of needles, come up with a percentage of your own, and experimentally calculate Pi!

Using a very similar process, I also solved the problem for the tiled case below (again for a,b > L).

The problems works out in a very similar manner (although one does need to be a bit careful about adding probabilities), and in the end you find that given the above geometry the odds that a needle crosses any of the lines when dropped is:

Of course, the savvy statistician will recognize this as the probability of crossing one of the horizontal lines plus the probability of crossing one of the vertical lines minus the probability of doing both. Note further that in the case of a or b going to infinity we re-derive our Buffon case. Finally, we see that if a=b=L (the happy situation that you have square tiling and your needle has the same length as the tiles), then the odds of the needle crossing a line are 3/Pi, or about 95%. 

I want to emphasize that all the above calculations were done assuming that the length of the needle was less than or equal to the lengths between lines. The results are not valid otherwise and in fact things get a bit ugly in that case. Another way to muck things up is to carry out this calculation for a grid of equilateral triangles! I wouldn't advise it though...the math gets very messy. After all, nature abhors the triangle.

A quick villain for your viewing pleasure. Today I bring you one of the main antagonists from Tale Spin (of the holy trinity including Darkwing Duck and Duck Tales). He is the Air Pirate Don Karnage.

A romantic adventurer, man of accented eloquent and no-good thieving scoundrel of the skies, Don Karnage is a villain not soon to be forgotten. He menaces merchants and pilfers pilots around the humorously named Cape Suzette, looking to score a quick buck aboard his flagship, the Iron Vulture. While he's not the nicest guy and certainly not the smartest, the  pirate captain sometimes turns friend and helps out Baloo, the hero of the show. Among his arsenal of weaknesses are his bumbling crew, startling vanity and incredible overconfidence. His personal fighter plane is pretty sweet though. 

Today's post has only one purpose. That purpose is to tell a tale about baseball; it is a tale of greed and power, a tale of underdogs and comebacks. The end was only just written, but it needs no editing.

In the spirit of my blog, let me start with the villain, the 2011 Boston Red Sox.

The Red Sox are quickly becoming a team as obnoxious and as hated as the New York Yankees. They buy up all the best players and have an air of entitlement about them that can be smelled from the other side of the country (trust me, I know). At the start of September, with less than a month of baseball to play, the Red Sox had a titanic and seemingly impenetrable nine game lead on their closet competitor for a spot into the playoffs, the Tampa Bay Rays.

The Rays are the first of this story's two heroes, an up-and-coming team whose salary is less than a quarter of Boston's. Beaten down in the AL East (baseball's infamously strongest division) since coming into existence, over the past few years they've begun to thrive on homegrown talent, good pitching and solid, all-around baseball. But nine games was surely far too many for even the scrappiest of teams to make up in the course of one short month, right?

Yet Red Sox somehow began to fade; Tampa was catching up quickly. But analysts were not worried. After all, Boston had six games at the end of the season against the Baltimore Orioles, a team that, at times, can hardly remember what sport it is supposed to be playing.

So it fell to the oft-inept Orioles to be the second heroic group in this magical tale. Perhaps they were sick of being looked down on or maybe it was some kindred spirit they saw in Tampa, but despite being woefully out of contention Baltimore caught fire and played evenly with, nay, outplayed the desperate, title-seeking Red Sox during their many encounters at the season's end. Before you could say "legendary chokers," it was September 28th, last night, the final day of the season. The Red Sox and Rays were tied for the wild card. Whichever team won their last game and saw the other defeated would be headed for the playoffs and a shot at the championship. It was do-or-die; the tension was palpable.

Tampa was matched up against the Yankees, the top team in the American League. Boston was again pitted against the suddenly-ignited Orioles. However, the Red Sox had a literal ace up their sleeves, Jon Lester was on the mound, a man who was a perfect 14-0 against Baltimore in his career. Despite their recent troubles, Boston appeared to be in the superior position.

Indeed, things went quite badly for our heroes at first. Perhaps as bad as can be. After a heart-crippling grand slam from the Yanks and several other miscue-filled innings, Tampa found itself down 7-0 in the eighth, a positively impossible situation. Meanwhile, Baltimore was playing its heart out but losing 2-3 to Boston in the middle of a prolonged rain delay. The weather seemed portentious of something, but at the time it could not be said of what.

It was then that the first miracle happened.

Tampa Bay, having been shut out for seven innings against the Yankees, suddenly tore free and, led by a three run blast by the face of their franchise, Evan Longoria, scored six runs in the eighth inning, leaving them down by a single, oh-so-scorable run heading into the ninth. Yet that final inning, surely the last inning of their season, started with disaster and the Rays saw themselves facing the final out of the game. Tampa Bay's skipper, the savvy Joe Maddon did not despair and pinch hit Dan Johnson, a man hitting .108 and who hadn't hit a home run since April. What did he do? Well, what could he do? He smacked one of the most ludicrous and dramatic home runs I've ever seen and sent the game into extra innings.

Hundreds of miles to the north, the skies cleared over Baltimore.

Play resumed and the Orioles and Red Sox continued their titanic clash even as the Rays and Yankees took their game beyond the ninth in Tampa Bay. The night burned on as the pitchers hurled and the hitters lashed but none of the four teams could make a dent. Yet no such unstable system can long remain in equilibrium, and as the Orioles entered the bottom of the ninth down a run, things appeared grim.

Jonathan Papelbon, the famous Boston closer, took the mound. Adam Jones struck out swinging. Mark Reynolds struck out swinging. Suddenly the Orioles were left with but one out in their season. But then by some great feat of will the next two Orioles hitters, first Chris Davis and second Nolan Reimold, smashed balls all the way to the wall for doubles, bringing the score level and leaving Reimold, the winning run, in scoring position. Camden Yards was going wild, roaring in September night and at once believing in the impossible.

The games had that had begun at 7:00 entered their fifth hours and clocks struck midnight on the East Coast.

Robert Andino, last of the Baltimore Orioles, strode up to the plate. He had slain the Boston closer just recently, but surely he couldn't duplicate the feat. He was quickly down in the count. Papelbon readied and threw his final pitch.

Just before that fateful toss, Gary Thorne, the Orioles play-by-play commentator noted, "the Baseball Gods are laughing now." Oh how right he was. Robert Andino lined the pitch into left field, Noland Reimold crossed the plate and the Orioles, with nothing but pride on the line, had somehow come back and defeated the Boston Red Sox!

But this is not the end of the story. Oh no. The Rays still had to win their game to ensure their victory over Boston. Back in Tampa, even as their own BJ Upton struck out in the bottom of the 12th, the Rays fans were going wild. They had just heard the news: mighty Boston had fallen to the Orioles. It's said that those in attendance could feel that the tides had turned, that their beyond-improbable victory was now a thing of certainty. And who came up the to plate next but Mr. Tampa Bay, Evan Longoria, looking to end things once and for all. And just as reasonably as Chip Hilton scores the winning touchdown or as a baseball team loses a nine game lead in the space of a month, he swung his bat and sent the ball hurtling over the fences, Tampa Bay into the playoffs and the reeling Red Sox into the history books.

* * *

Has all that ludicrousness sunk in yet? Well too bad that's only half the story. The Atlanta Braves were leading the in National League Wild Card by eight and a half games at the beginning of September. Somehow they ALSO managed to be overtaken by the team behind them (the Cardinals) causing a race that ALSO came down to the last game of the season which they ALSO lost by falling in the THIRTEENTH inning. Unbelievable. Marvelous. Baseball.

I have returned. 

The summer was a good one. I spent a good portion of it wandering. In particular I visited Sequoia National Park with my parents, enjoyed an epic trek across the Oregon Dunes with a friend, hung out in New Jersey with some bros and visited the trees and beaches of the California coast with my brother and cousin. I read books, played games and was twice thwarted by a Snowy Plover. Oh, also there was physics; I managed to survive preparing for and taking the Physics Preliminary Test given to all graduate students here after their first year. I'll find out if I passed in the next few days, though I'm not really worried.

Having time to read for pleasure was a strange situation to be in and one that I abused quite  thoroughly. Highlights from the summer include Snow Crash and Neuromancer from the cyber-punk genre,  George R.R. Martin's new tome, Shades of Grey, and the first handful of the Dresden Files.

I played a good amount of Starcraft 2 and more recently Civilization 5. Both involve intricate tactics and the latter is delightfully reminiscent of Settlers of Catan.

Behold the beauty (but only if you really want to)

Speaking of the Civilization series, perhaps the single coolest part of any of its iterations are the absolutely breathtaking wonder videos from the second game (there's too many great ones to link, sorry). The sense of accomplishment and power they instill has yet to be equalled.

Classes have started up here again, but I now find myself solely on the student end of the teacher-student spectrum. I work in the lab in the mornings and attend classes in the afternoons. It's a pleasant sort of situation, especially compared to the hectic madness that best describes my first year graduate student experience.

So yeah, the blog is back in business. You'll notice we have new pictures on the sidebar! I hope to update again before the weekend is over with some thoughts on geometric probability. Yeah. Get excited. For now though it's time to bring back The Blog of Many Thing's time-honored tradition of villainy. I watched the Phantom Tollbooth recently and it reminded me very quickly how much I loved this particular fellow. If you've ever had a professor who required you to agonize over the tiniest minutia or a boss who forced you to sink time into wasteful tasks then you already know the power of today's villain: the Terrible Trivium!

The Phantom Tollbooth is rife with metaphorical characters, but my favorite is the spiffy gentlemen pictured above. The Terrible Trivium is a demon who lives atop the Mountains of Ignorance. He attempts to befriend travelers in that harsh environment and wile them into completing pointless and time-consuming deeds for him. Sound innocent enough? Say that when you're stuck spending eternity factoring 20-digit integers or turning a boulder into sand using only a sewing needle! He has the tongue of Saruman and dresses like a gentlemen. The reason behind his mysterious lack of neck or wrists can only be guessed at; though I'd avoid doing so as it's probably the Trivium's plan to make you waste time in that manner. His parting cry, along with his hilarious annunciation, will always comes to mind when I abandon any particularly menial piece of labor: "Come back, come back! There are so many things to take away, and things to bring back! Come back, there are so many useless things yet to do!"

EDIT: There will be a special baseball edition tomorrow to detail what was the greatest and most unpredictable night in baseball wildcard history!

This, my friends, is POST NUMBER 50. In celebration I shall do exactly nothing more than mention the semi-historic event. Well, actually I think I'll post Wikipedia's article on the number 50, just because its articles about random numbers are generally hilarious.

Fifty: when ordering the natural numbers by magnitude, it comes before 51 and after 49 according to Wikipedia 

Classes go well and continue to consume more time than Augustus Gloop does chocolate. My current bill of fare is special relativity and radiation in Electricity and Magnetism, quantum statistics in Statistical Mechanics and the dreaded second quantization in Quantum Mechanics. Also, I'm teaching about electric fields in my introductory class. Fields are a very interesting physical formulation; the thought that an object's very presence alters the universe around it is still quite jarring. And then there's gravity that is even more weird. Why is mass only positive? Why should inertial mass be the same as gravitational mass? Our universe has some strange rules...

I plan to discuss birefringence as soon as we get to the polarization of light waves, which should be shortly. Good times right?

I've been factoring integer terms in some of my many equations lately. It began because of integrals like this, and it remains entertaining to juggle physics all the while knowing that you have precisely 17 two's and eight 3's and two 5's in your mathematical arsenal. I've been doing a lot with counting lately too. In energy space, phase space, real space and sometimes with Multinomial coefficients. I just found out that you can use geometric series to find the area of fractals, for example the Koch Snowflake, created by the intimidating mathematician below.

Helge Von Kosh; he makes delicate crystals of infinite ice

In reading about finding the area of fractals, I stumbled across Archimedes' Quadrature of the Parabola, a work in which he found the area under the famous shape by the method of a geometric series. I can't even begin to understand how ridiculously intelligent this guy must have been.

Enough about such things! The Orioles continue to play decent baseball. Certainly they could (and should) hit a little better, and the pitching should likewise step up, but overall this assembladge of humans actually looks like it could plausibly be called a team. Vlad sadly got his first walk of the season, so his streak of 115 a bats without one came to an end. The record was just 150 or so, so he did pretty well, all things considered. We've lost the first two to the Rays this weekend, but I think we will be redeemed tomorrow. Mother's Day bats ahoy!

I've stalled in my EarthBound playing due to classes and Portal 2 coming out. I'll talk more about that next time, which will hopefully be pretty soon. Other negligible news items include planned camping and baseball trips (separately of course).

Last week and this week exposed me to my first Bollywood movie: Lagaan (the title refers to some kind of harvest tax, not that other Lagann). It's about ragtag band of dancing villagers who have to set aside their differences to fight against their true enemy: the crumpet-scoffing, doily-using, tax-taxing Brits! Of course, fighting them physically is out of the question, and so the movie is all about playing a game of cricket with the province's taxes on the line! One of the songs serves as the training montage too. It's pretty good actually (I really want to try playing cricket now), but quite long. Anyway, today's villain is the Captain of the British cricket team and the troops in the area: Captain Russell!

Captain Russell is a pompous blowhard, racist elitist and morally bankrupt human being. In short, the perfect villain. He struts about the British cantonment with his pristine uniform and daggerlike sideburns ordering his lackeys to and fro, sneering superior smiles with his puckered lips at any who dare look his way. He's actually also pretty clever, but he uses his cunning only to be even more underhanded and bastardly than otherwise possible. Even when playing a game of cricket he doesn't hesitate to send spies into the enemy ranks, order his players to cause deliberate injuries and trick children into making mistakes. To recap, Throughout the movie Russell is trying, for the sake of his own ego, to starve to death an entire province of villages, and he goes about it by the most British, unscrupulous and downright deceitful ways imaginable. Truly a man to be remembered.

The Orioles have finally started looking like the Orioles unfortunately. Perhaps after they escape this horrendously difficult part of the schedule they can start playing better again. I'm having the most fun watching Vlad at bat and on the bases at the moment. His hilariously aggressive and straightforward approach makes me laugh every time. My friend and I postulated that should he become a third base coach he would demand that every baserunner steal home (moreso, his secret sign for such action would simply to be stare his player in the eyes and point to home plate demandingly).

You might have noticed that it's been a while since I last posted. Well, that's what happens when the quarter really ramps up to speed. I'm truly in the thick of things now. Between learning more about magnetic materials for this summer, evaluating 144 ladder operator expectation values, computing volumes in 3N-dimensional phase space (they're the same as surface areas, by the way), determining the quality factor of a resonant cavity and explaining total internal reflection to my 60 students, I've had little time for leisurely typesmanship. Of course, that only covers what I've done in the last 24 hours. I have midterms for the next two weeks and have to grade next week, so yeah...don't expect it to be blog central around here anytime soon.

Did you know Moonbows existed? What about Absolute Hot? I learned of these things just this week. Though the best news of the week was that the entirely of this manga has finally been translated into english. There is but one applicable reply:

EarthBound Segment 5: Quote's a plenty!
Ness and Paula, united and ready to kick some butt made their way back to Twoson and with the help of Everdred and the World's Greatest Bluesmen, the Runaway Five, managed to journey to the next town, aptly named Threed. Unfortunately the town is swarming with ghosts and zombies. After being captured their only hope was a third boy, Jeff, located in the snowy country of Winters. Hearing their plea, Jeff rushed to their rescue in UFO known as the Sky Runner. Along the way he had the help of a legendary monster, a monkey who loves to blow bubbles and his genius father, Dr. Andonuts. Remember how I said I wanted to post great quotes? Here's fewer than half of the ones I really liked from this section of the game (not even including hilarious battle antics):
"Money, that's what I want. Money, that's what is hot. Money, that's what I want. Money, it's what we ain't got 'cept freedom, freedom, freedom is what we've really sought!"
"Tessie may unexpectedly be living in the woods. I personally think so."
"By combining my skills and Dr. Andonuts intelligence, I can become Dungeon Man, the first combination of human and dungeon in history."
"Hey sidewalk, get out of my way!"
"But you'll never run out, 'cause it's a super jumbo pack!"
"Would you like a donut? Well, I was only offering."
"Watch for falling materials! ...Brick Road" (What follows can only be described as the most appropriate fanfare in the history of surprise photography)
"This Bulletin Board greets you this evening. All is well, Good Night."


I expect to play some soccer tomorrow and probably watch Aladdin. Sadly (or perhaps gloriously), this guy has already appeared on the blog in all his malicious elegance. Have no fear though! For today's villain is another of the Disney greats, Ursula.

She's a vile, plotting witch whose flamboyant personality is complemented by her knowing grin and the depths of her unfathomably cold gaze. The only question is if you will you first be ensnared by her sinister plots or her sinuous tentacles. There's little more to say here, but frankly, if you haven't experienced what she has to offer already than you're nothing more than a Poor Unfortunate Soul!

The Orioles are currently undefeated and winning the AL East. Yes, in baseball. Yes, the Baltimore Orioles. No, it's not April Fools Day anymore. Look, I have this picture to prove it:

So far we've had great pitching, excellent defense and timely hitting. What more could one ask for? A season with a winning record. That's what I ask for. There are good omens though, apparently. The last time the Orioles started a season 3-0 was in 1997 (yeah 14 years ago), the same year that we last made it to the playoffs and had a non-losing record.

This coming week marks the first of the quarter during which I will have to deal with homework for every class and teach twice as well. I've been a bit uneasy without being constantly inundated and flanked from all sides by responsibilities, but this should kick things into high gear again. I'll probably not be able to watch many Orioles games, but I'll survive by virtue of sushi and soccer alone if I have to.

EarthBound Segment 4: The Color Blue
It turns out that the Peaceful Rest Valley was named by a madman. Far from the scenic stroll promised by its name, Ness's journey though the Valley was fraught with peril at every step. He was hounded by explosive trees, UFOs that spread the common cold, and parachuting photographers (I'll get a video of this guy later). With the help of Apple Kid's ingenious invention, the Pencil Eraser, Ness finally arrived at Happy Happy Village, the location of the kidnapped Paula. Unfortunately names continued to betray and deceive as the town's moniker failed completely to convey the fact that it was filled with insane cultists bent on painting the entire world blue for the betterment of humanity.

After fighting my way past hordes of cultists Ness found Paula locked tight in a mountain cabin. See can't get out, but leaves Ness with the Franklin Badge and word that the leader of the blue-fanatics has the key. Minutes later I stand before this man, Mr. Carpainter.

A strange man by all accounts, he gives his all to "end your pitiful game!" Mr. Carpainter stands at the heart of Happy-Happyism, the religious movement bent on painting the world blue. Moreso, he possesses the power to call down lightening on those who defy him. Thanks to Paula's warning, Ness can easily knock some sense into this old geezer since the Franklin Badge contains the power to deflect electrical blasts right back to their source! Yet it's what's behind Mr. Carpainter that is especially troubling...a shining statue that seems eerily familiar to Ness...and why is it that Paula was the target of his madness? Can that really be a coincidence? These questions and more will be answered next time, on EarthBound!

Not much to add today. Can't wait for baseball, though. Watch both of these to prepare.

It's the 25th anniversary of the first Zelda game this year! To celebrate I provide:

EarthBound Segment 3: Twoson, because we weren't first
A new town full of strange people, new adventures and shiny things! After walking to town, Ness first rested a spell at Twoson's sleek and modern hotel (complete with upscale music) to recuperate from his travels. Journeying out into the town, we rented a bike, got a secret pizza delivery number, and made an astounding amount of cash by cornering the town's egg/chicken market. Ness also found out that Paula, the girl who had been sending him physic messages, has been kidnapped and taken to the Peaceful Rest Valley. That doesn't sound so bad; kind of relaxing actually. After investing in a few of Twoson's local, fruit-based inventors using his recently chicken-padded wallet, Ness decided to do some last minute shopping at the local market before enjoying what will no-doubt be a blissful journey to rescue a damsel in distress. Ah, to be a hero!

By and large, it was a peaceful and pleasant day for Ness. Well, aside from beating up that mob boss at Burglin Park. Meet today's villain, the head of Twoson's meager but oft-underestimated crime syndicate: Everdred.

He's slick, he's sly and he'll swindle you for all you're worth! Everdred runs the darker side of sunny Twoson, controlling its center of economy, Burglin Park. With his trademark polka-dotted pants, floral shirt and jazz-critic shades/hat combo, few dare oppose his tyrannical but generally good-natured regime. In battle he has no scruples, preferring to bite, steal and knit his brow to victory. After Ness knocks some sense into him, Everdred helps out in the search for Paula, and will be of even greater use to the party later. In the end, Everdred's the scoundrel that cares. I hear he's fond of haikus and is currently trying to get his hands on the mysterious treasure of Lair X. Aggerate...*ominous sound effect*

What? Three days in a row? You bet your beauteous buttons, Batman.

After briefly pondering the underlying linguistics, I've concluded that:
-a foamentous decision involves brazenly pouring the entire bottle of bubble bath into the tub--consequences be damned
-a gnomentous moment involves a lot of bickering shortish creatures who are generally pretty clever
-a loamentous field is great for crops and easy to excavate
-and that a tomentous library contains only the most ancient and unwieldy of books

I recently finished reading Brandon Sanderson's Way of Kings, the first book in his new series. Overall I found it an enjoyable and quick read with much of the creativity and unique worldbuilding that I have come to expect from reading several of his previous books. The entire continent on which the story takes place has the feel of a rocky tidal pool; there are retracting plants, crustaceans of all sorts and intermittent periods of diluvian danger. His signature strategy of building up to a thrilling emotional and intellectual conclusion also reared its famous head, though I might complain that he left a bit too much for the end. My other, and perhaps more damning, grievance is that I'm afraid I must accuse Sanderson of being a mediocre writer. He writes action and battles (both of which he is fond of) quite clearly and well, but often a chapter will go by with very little substance excepting plot advancement. It's as if I would have gotten just as much out of the section if I had just been told that characters A and B talked about X and Y and came to conclusion Z. Though, to be fair, the last novel I read was by one of the better pure writers in fantasy, Mr. Rothfuss. Still though, I'd say Sanderson's capacity for creative design and immersive mystery-style plotlines makes up for this weakness. And after the highstorm of revelations offered by the last 100 or so pages, I'll be sure to pick up the next installment.

Earthbound Segment #2: Of Ants and Officers
Being a hero isn't easy; saving the world ain't a piece of cake. As it so happens, Ness had to beat up a lot of things today. Some of those things were people, and some of those people were police officers. But don't judge! They were asking for it! Ness also managed to peruse the public library, enjoy the calming fluttering of a magic butterfly, purchase an unseemly amount of hamburgers (100% beef), and talk to the happiest trumpeter in the world. In other news Liar X Aggerate actually managed to unearth something this time...something sinister.
Anyway, Frank's defeat put the mayor on our side so after bashing his way through hordes of slugs, rats and antoids on the outskirts of town, Ness managed to defeat the fiendish Titanic Ant and gain access to Giant Step. There he learned the first part of some sort of melody, the inklings of which he can only begin to inkle!
Yet not all was well in Onett-ville, for upon returning to civilization Ness was accosted by an irate cop, who demanded that he appear at the local police station. After spending the night at home and receiving a strange dream calling for him to travel to Twoson (a neighboring town) our hero realized that he had no choice but to confront the roadblock-happy men in blue that compose Onett's finest.

After bashing this way through a handful of henchmen, Ness came face to face with our second featured EarthBound villain: Captain Strong.

Captain Strong is a suburban police force legend. Overseeing the peace and quiet in the sparsely populated, law-abiding Onett for years, while at the same time maintaining the roadblock labyrinth that put his town on the map, nothing gets by his super-keen constabulary senses! In combat he is lethal; Captain Strong prefers to rely on devastating submission holds, but when taxed he will unleash his Super-Ultra Mambo-Tango-Foxtrot Martial Arts, at which point law-breaking becomes impossible and bone-breaking becomes certain. Luckily he befriends Ness after being impressed by his bat-wielding prowess and determination and agrees to let our hero journey to Twoson.

The first day of classes went pretty well. It looks like I'll be waking up early a lot this quarter, but that does mean I'll be done with most time-sensitive things by 4ish or earlier each day, meaning I will have evenings to watch Orioles games and do homework. In other news, I'm teaching Physics 7C again, so magnets and birefringence ahoy!

But the best news is that none of the Sushi crew teach on Monday nights! Hence, tonight will be delicious.

What? Mathematics? Yes, yes. Here it is. The cosine and sine of an angle theta can be defined respectively as the x and y components of a vector (oriented an angle theta above the horizontal) from the origin to the unit circle centered at the origin. That might sound complicated, but you might recall that it's as simple as drawing a triangle and finding the blue and red distances in the diagram below.

Note that the total distance (in yellow) from the origin to the circle is always 1 since the radius of the unit circle is one by definition. This, when combined with the pythagorean theorem, gives rise to the famous trigonometric identity cos^2 + sin^2 = 1.

This simple definition led me to think: why a circle? My next thought was, "why can't I define functions in the same way with different shapes," and that is when the madness began. For you see, the cosine and sine functions are so nice due to the beautiful uniformity of the circle. My functions will have none of this niceness, and will require several additional stipulations in their definitions. 

I now define the Poly_n and Gon_n functions of theta as the x and y components respectively of the vector (with an angle theta above the x axis) going from the origin to the regular n-gon centered at the origin whose side length is such that the distance to any vertex from the origin is one. Another caveat to this definition is that I mandate that all polygons be oriented such that below the x-axis a side of the polygon be parallel to that same axis. To make this more clear, let's check out what Poly₃ and Gon₃ look like:

Since a regular 3-gon is more commonly referred to as an equilateral triangle, you'll note that creating this diagram from my definition was pretty simple; Poly₃ has taken the place of cosine and Gon₃ has taken the place of sine. Note however that we lose the ability to label the yellow distance as one; in fact, it will only be one at the vertices. In addition, the Poly and Gon functions will be piecewise because of the sharp edges. Let's quickly take a look at the the Poly₄ and Gon₄ functions:

Though my simple colored lines look similar, you'll note that these functions will have a completely different form to them than those before. In fact, I hesitate to do more at the moment because they're just so darn ugly. Plotting the functions themselves would be terrible thanks to the jagged shape of polygons, in fact anything I do with them would have to start from basic geometry or with the niceness of sine and cosine. Possible future directions for this include finding the yellow distance and naming it something, finding the form of a few of the piecewise functions using geometry and writing them as a Fourier series of sines and cosines and ultimately finding the power series expansions for them. This could lead to finding some "useful" identities and maybe even derivative relations. Sadly, I can think of absolutely no use for this formulation. The one nice thing I can say about the Poly_n and Gon_n functions is that in the limit as n goes to infinity, they blessedly become cosine and sine! That's it for this adventure into strange maths: join us next time when I discuss approximations in all their vague glory.

EarthBound Segment #1: I'm Onett!
My playthrough of EarthBound has begun! I had planned on posting some of my favorite quotes from each segment, however after eagerly cataloguing each of the game's first dozen or so lines, I realized the futility involved. EarthBound's script is simply one of the most beautiful ever crafted. Each sentence uttered, each sign read delights the mind with its marvelous oddity. It really must be experienced directly.
Anyway, let's dive right in! After learning of Giygas's threat to the universe from Buzz Buzz (who was quickly and tragically smote by the fiendish Larda Minch), Ness realized that he needs to gather the Earth's Eight Melodies, as well as three comrades in order to save the world! Based in Onett, he's told that the first melody is nearby, at the location known only as Giant Step. After a new day dawned Ness's first steps were to:
-Explore Onett and its penchant for roadblocks (they're going for the world record!), mayoral propaganda (by the esteemed B.H. Pirkle) and social revolutions (the Fresh Breeze Movement wants to clean up the town!)
-Talk to local billboardsmen, treasure hunter and vagabond Liar X. Aggerate who survived a meteor impact because he eats lots of garlic. Apparently he has something he wants to show Ness later...but only when he's alone...
-Purchase some handy equipment and grab the Mr. Baseball hat from the secret hideout
-Get his first smash attack and revel in the bone-crushing 16-bit sound effect
-Be ambushed by an eccentric, but mysteriously wise photographer in front of his house

I stopped playing today after defeating EarthBound's first real villain (Starman Jr....well, he just doesn't quite cut it as far as villainy goes), Frank Fly.

First of all you'll need his battle music. Got that funky beat playing? Alright, now you're grovin' to Frank's style. Frank is the leader of the Sharks, Onett's local ruffian gang. Ness finds that if he can defeat Frank, thus quelling the hoodlums on the streets, the mayor of Onett will give him the access to Giant Step that he desires. Frank fights dirty: he uses knives against a kid (then again, Ness does have a baseball bat), talks trash and retreats to his robot, Frankenstien Mark II when things are looking dangerous. Once conquered though, Frank acknowledges Ness's strength, and will support his struggles for the rest of the game! Frank Fly, as it turns out, is one cool guy.

We'll it's been a while. And (but?) for good reason. Last week was finals, yet I'll say no more on such a subject since few reading this have the patience or physical background necessary to care or understand what I would have to say on the matter.

Let us instead discuss how I spent my week off from physics: by camping. Perhaps as eager as I to get away from Davis for a few days, I enlisted the aid of a few of my friends to journey with me to Jedidiath Smith Campground, located in the far north of California's Redwood Park. I'll try to find some pictures, but for now I will have to use English to convey my description of our adventures. The drive was pleasant and scenic: on the way up we had sun and our eyes feasted on titanic redwoods, quaint towns and calm waters, but on the way down we were assaulted by snow, furious seas and mist-shrouded peaks reminiscent of the Scottish Highlands. The stay itself will certainly be one to be remembered. In short we drove though a tree, were attacked by the ocean, skipped rocks at a riverside, huddled around some smoldering logs that could occasionally have been classified as a fire, opposed the wind (Greg) himself to gain purchase on a lighthouse's rocky outcropping, told tales, ate foods and played a game of discovery, settlement and trade while cowering within our flimsy canvas stronghold from the sky's incessant and bone-chilling assault on our lives. I can't wait to go again.

I've decided just this morning to start playing EarthBound, king of games. I think I'll update the blog frequently with my progress and with EarthBound villains. Given that this coming week is but the first of the term, and that homeworks won't be due until much later, I think I should be able to entirely ensconce myself within the game's enchantingly eccentric embrace before reality attempts to pry me loose with its petty needs and cruel demands. To whet your whistles I give you now its awesome (and I do mean it in the literal, awe-inducing sense) title screen:

And now for a random assortment of announcements. First, at the request of a certain Dr. Science, I will be providing Strange Maths in the next post. Second, I find myself really wanting to try steak tartare; it seems quite tasty. Third, I will be, yet again, postponing my fantasy novel reviews. I've now consumed Brandon Sanderson's The Way of Kings, but will speak of it at a later date.

I've watched quite a few movies lately, but only one has a villain who is both worthy of being included on the blog and whose label as a evil force doesn't completely spoil the plot of the film. So I bid you now to cower beneath the sleazy, conniving power of Gordon Gekko's smile!

Before I even begin talking about what a great villain this guy is, let's just take a moment to look at him. Look at his slicked-back, sinister hair enhancing the reptilian image created by the name Gekko. Look at his shifty, plotting eyes that never quite seem to look at your own. But most of all look at that grin. That malevolent, bemused smirk that wants nothing more than to bite the head off of anything that gets in its way. This my friends is the face of a villain. Antagonist of the film Wall Street, Gordon Gekko is a ludicrously wealthy but morally bankrupt investor who will stop at nothing to increase his fortune. During his speech at a shareholder's meeting midway through the film you would swear greed personified walks the earth in his exorbitantly priced, black shoes. He seeks to bring those around him into his corrupt fold, chews them up and spits them back out once he has what he needs. This man is truly villainous.

Greetings! How fares the real world? Much the same as usual I'd imagine, but if anything particularly startling or magnificent happens, I'd love to hear about it.

I'll hold off on writing anything about the Wise Man's Fear just a bit longer. I finished it over the course of a weekend and a day, but I'm still in the reflection stage, which happily involves me re-reading the first book in the series.

Sushi was of course delectable this past Monday, as I'm sure it will be in a few days. Of particular note was that the chefs' familiarity with us has risen to prescient levels. This requires a bit of backstory: On the way over we remarked that we would begin the evening with Crazy Monkey and Lion King rolls galore. These require time to fry though, so in the mean time we'd satiate ourselves on succulent salmon sashimi. Having whet our respective whistles we'd then really turn up the heat and dive into several Hawaii rolls. Here's what happened the moment we entered the restaurant and took our sacred places at the bar:
-We were immediately greeted and offered salmon sashimi
-We were asked exactly how many Crazy Monkey and Lion King rolls we would like
-We were assured that a Hawaii roll for each of us was in the works
How extraordinary! Without uttering a single order, asking for a single thing, all our dreams ad been arrayed before us, glistening with deliciousness.

You know what else is fantastic about Sushi Nobu? They leave you the pitcher of water. It's such a simple gesture, but a rare and powerful one. I have no idea why most places refuse to do this; it's infuriating for waiter and customer alike when the latter is parched and the former tires of hauling liquids to and fro all night long.

While I'm complaining, I'd like to direct my wrath in the direction of TED talks. I don't like them. This wouldn't be a problem if multiple people hadn't told me about how great and interesting they are. I've even heard the words, "There should be a class in college where people listen to TED talks." Other people who were in the room for this particular comment agreed; yes that would be great they said, we would learn so much more. Now a few days after hearing this I needed to produce a large amount of pasta sauce (for obvious reasons), and in doing so I of course needed to mince an exceptionally odiferous amount of garlic. This takes a while, so I decided to enlighten myself with the knowledge that TED talks have to provide. I booted up the site, listened to perhaps 5 or so talks while I cooked and came to the following conclusion: the vast majority of them are useless. They speak to the heart and not the the mind. Some contain more glittering generalities than the average campaign speech. Even the supposedly "scientific" talks are meandering sermons devoid of fact and instead filled with flashy images, desperate entreaties and bold claims.

I watched the Princess Bride with sounds friends last night, and so I present to you now it's villain: a man among men, Prince Humperdinck!

Humperdinck is a man whose name, gaudy lavender cloak and pompous upturned chin almost, but don't quite, describe the depth of his pretentiousness. He purports to be the world's greatest hunter, has constructed a Zoo of Death to house beasts worthy of being his prey and has been known to begin sentences, "unless I am wrong, and I am never wrong." Unfortunately the movie version of Humperdinck is quite distinct from the Prince in the novel The Princess Bride, but in any case, he is surely a vile and evil man. He hunts because he enjoys the suffering of this prey, and seeks to ruin the life of the story's heroine, Buttercup. I shan't say more, for any word of mine you read is one you could have been reading in William Goldman's excellent fantasy/historical/mock-parody.

March has arrived! In this most middling of months I hope to accomplish the following things: survive finals, camp it up during break, play Okamiden, read Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind, read Gardens of the Moon, read Wise Man's Fear and enjoy more of Starcraft II. I suspect that one, maybe two of these things will actually pan out. But, like it or not (I do), I'm going to learn a lot of Physics.

I hope to get through this one this weekend!

A quick status update on where we stand in my Physics classes: In Quantum Mechanic we are studying Scattering theory, in Electricity and Magnetism we just started Magnetostatics, and in Math Methods we are working on some Group theory. To break it down, I am learning about how things bounce off other things, stationary magnets and collections of objects with a binary operation. Sounds simple, no? No indeed.

I've had little enough time for videogames of late, but the highlight of my Starcrafting so far was a game of I played on a team with a friend of mine. We played as the bug-like alien race christened the Zerg and other than resource gatherers we produced only the most rudimentary and peaceful unit that these intergalactic hellspawn have to offer: the Queen. A couple of notes: the Queen is not meant for attacking, does minimal damage, fares poorly in hordes and her speed maxes out at about .3 (repeating of course) miles per hour. And yet somehow, against two opponents trying with all the combined might of their ancient warrior races and high technologies, we emerged victorious. I quote one of our opponents when I say that it was "the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen!"

Last week the First Year Physics Students Movies of Choice, or FYPSMC for short, were Amelie and Aliens; a stranger combination has yet to be found. This week it seems as though we may watch the legendary Akira Kurosawa's postwar Japan noir Stray Dog. I recommend it as I recommend all his movies--with great gusto! I'll have to do a list of my favorites at some point...

The weather is fine (60ish and sunny), and the sushi on Monday was finer. I just realized that our schedules might not align to allow for easy dining on the first day of the week next quarter...and that would be a true tragedy. It might be for the best though if we truly intend to be able to move up and down a soccer field in the Spring.

I've got another great manga villain for you: Yujiro Hanma!

Truly a ludicrously over-the-top character, he is known to most as "The Ogre", and in the world of Baki the Grappler he is considered the most powerful creature and the strongest force on earth. A martial arts genius, Yujiro was thrown into the Vietnamese jungles at the age of 16 with only his hands to keep himself alive. Fighting against the American military and the Vietcong at the same time he managed to survive the confrontation, but at a high cost to the world. At some point during the incessant fighting and bloodshed he stopped killing to survive and started to enjoy it. He now roams the world uncontested by any power, doing as he pleases, when he pleases. He's mastered every style of martial arts known to man, can run faster than any vehicle, can destroy buildings and tanks with his bare hands, has been struck by lightening multiple times, and his back muscles form the face of an enraged demon. Oh, and he also stopped an earthquake by punching it. Yeah. The Ogre's son, Baki is the main character of the series and for all his life he has been learning and training with the goal of defeating his father. Who will emerge victorious in this final confrontation: the vicious and diabolical Ogre or the only man who has even the slightest chance of standing against Yujiro, his son Baki?

President's day weekend came not a William Henry Harrison's term too soon. The terrible weather cancelled our camping trip and in a horrific twist of fate, I actually had to take the quantum mechanics midterm AGAIN. Apparently when everyone fails a test because there wasn't nearly enough time to complete it, the correct response is to force everyone to re-do the entire test over the period several days. It's almost like it should have been assigned that way in the first place...

But while it was a trying week, not all was bad. Sushi was delicious as usual and I got a new computer for a birthday/graduation present! I also got the desk pictured below, since desktops, by their very nature, require a surface upon which to rest.

The long president's day weekend was quite relaxing, and I spent a lot of it in that very chair playing through the Starcraft II campaign, which I found to be very enjoyable. I would say that the story was a bit weaker than that of the original (it could be the nostalgia factor though), but the interesting choices available to the player in terms of which units to upgrade and which research paths to pursue easily make up for it.  You are really able to customize the units and their abilities to fit your playstyle (for example, I focused on tanks, goliaths, and the other Terran mechanized units for the most part). These choices, combined with the multitude of achievements and difficultly options, make the replay value seem quite significant. Of course, most people play Starcraft for the player vs. player gameplay, which I will have to try out with some of my friends pretty soon.

So far this week has been spent on homework for the most part, but I did find some time to watch the hilariously over the top Kung Fu Hustle with some friends. The same director also made Shaolin Soccer, a movie we will also have to view before we play IM soccer next quarter (I think our team name might be Rube Goal-berg Machine).

On that note today's villain will be The Beast!

The world's number one killer in Kung Fu Hustle despite his rather unintimidating visage, the Beast was so devoted to the martial arts that it drove him insane. He was committed to a mental asylum which he decided not to break out of because there was no one in the outside would who could challenge his unstoppable Kung Fu prowess. In battle, the Beast relies mainly on his unmatched speed to defeat his opponents; his hands are actually able to move at a pace that allows him to stop bullets. Yet he is not above trickery and deceit, and when threatened he will utilize hidden weapons or worse deploy the dreaded Toad Technique of the Kwan Lon style! 

I begin with Brandon Sanderson's Mistborn trilogy. In short, it is a good series; if you wish for a more thorough description than delve into the next paragraph. First though, despite the often-horrendous cover art the adorns books of the fantasy genre, I provide you with an image anyway, mainly to break the monotony that text can bring (a good way to remember how to spell "monotony" is that it gets rather monotonous typing all those "o"s).

Without spoiling any of the extremely compelling and often surprising plot, I shall try to give a decent and fair review. Sanderson's Mistborn trilogy is set in a vivid and interesting world full of intrigue and magic. Much of the first book is spent fleshing out the magic system (eating metals!?), which I think is one of the series' strongest points, the other being the aforementioned excellent setting that the author has provided. The weakest part of the series is that many of its characters are forgettable fellows that cling to a single attribute in hopes of being remembered or impactful in that one way; only three or so of the cast have any real depth. Luckily the main character, Vin, is one of these. She's extremely interesting as a protagonist and is at once exotic and believable. I think I've mentioned before that Sanderson is really good at endings. This is due mainly to his ability to combine mental and emotional catharsis with a thrilling climax to the story; the mental component comes from the sudden comprehension of all the subtle hints he loves to drop in the course of his narrative (he does this in every single book of his I've read, and yet still manages to surprise me) and the emotional of course steams from ties that the reader has developed with his characters. The first and third books showcase this talent especially; in each case I forwent sleep in favor of finishing the particular volume. I can't say the same for the second iteration, which I found a mediocre prelude that was necessary to set up the far superior third. To summarize, I recommend the series to fans of fantasy.

My next fantasy novel will be Patrick Rothfuss's Wise Man's Fear, the second in his own proclaimed trilogy. It is set to be released on the first of March.

The 61st One Piece volume was released in Japan last week to ludicrous sales and acclaim. What caught my eye though was the cover; the nostalgia brings a tear to my eye.

One Piece Volume 1 juxtaposed with One Piece volume 61

And now dear readers saunter, jaunt or even promenade with me from the realm of fiction to wide world of sports. I haven't talked much about baseball here on the Blog of Many Things, but that has been due mainly in part to the entirety of its existence having been during the offseason. Since Spring Training has officially begun, so too will my commentary on the Orioles' season.

The O's have been quite busy during the Winter months trying to build a team around their young prospects. The main acquisitions have been infielder J.J. Hardy, slugger Mark Reynolds, veteran Derrek Lee and hitter of renown Vladimir Guerrero. Since they will be competing in the ever-excellent AL East, all I want to see is the team reach a .500 record for the first time since 1997. Of course given the vast improvement to their lineup, they could do more if the young pitching staff can throw as well as they did at the end of last season. If nothing else the season will certainly be interesting enough for me to get an MLB TV subscription.

Camping prospects seem bleak at the moment. The weather (everywhere on the West Coast) has suddenly taken a turn for the worse, and even in low-lying, land-locked Davis, rain and highs of 50 are expected for the weekend. Coastal and mountainous regions appear far worse. Alternatives are currently under discussion, but it looks like the outdoorsmanship will have to wait for another week. Luckily my new computer arrived today, so at least that will work out nicely.

I would love to use the Lord Ruler from the Mistborn series as today's villain, but basically anything I wrote about him would be rife with spoilers. So instead I'll introduce Count Cagliostro!

Villain of the great Hayao Miyazaki's Castle of Cagliostro, the Count is sly, fiendish and cruel to a fault. A classic antagonist to the end, the count runs an international forgery ring, has a secret ninja attack force at his disposal and best of all locks a princess in a tower to force her to marry him! And just look at that pompous smirk! It's actually quite unusual for Miyazaki to include such a straightforward villainous character in his work; usually some great force or idea is the enemy in his movies, if there is even a villain at all. Straying farther off-topic, I absolutely love the main theme of the movie. Anyway, in grandiose and climactically classic fashion, the Count is defeated in a thrilling swordfight with the protagonist atop a mysterious clocktower (where else?).

We have been to Sushi Nobu every single Monday night at about 8:00pm since the beginning of the year, and I only wish we went more often. The sushi-chefs know us now and whenever we order something they will ask if we would like three or perhaps five of that item (we invariably do). It's a great relationship: they provide us with succulent fishes and service and we reciprocate with a steady flow of business and generous tips.

The place that dreams are made of

My thankful regards to all those who wished me a happy birthday earlier this week. Although waylaid in the boggy mire of midterms, I still managed to enjoy the event due to the outpouring calls, cards and cakes I received. I'll continue speaking only briefly about those dread-tests. The Math Methods one was pretty straightforward, but Cheng dropped his Cheng-hammer as in quarters of old. The class average on this abomination of an examination (keep in mind this is was among a group of very intelligent physics graduate students who had studied exhaustively beforehand with the fearful anticipation of a man who knows his death awaits him) was a 32%! I meet the Electricity and Magnetism test on the field of battle next Wednesday.

Some progress has finally been made in the realm of camping preparation. Redwood National park is our tentative destination, and we have found a means by which to acquire the implements of an outdoorsman. Plans will be more fully laid by early next week.

Last Sunday was of course the Super Bowl (a pretty good game, by the way), but that means that it's time for:
THE BLOG OF MANY THINGS BIG 'OLE LIST #2:
THE GREATEST SUPER BOWL COMMERCIALS OF 2011

Coca-Cola's Siege Commercial

Certainly the most visually stunning of the commercials offered during the course of the big game, Coca Cola provided a beautiful CGI battle between an army of orcs (bolstered by a massive red dragon) and a seemingly peaceful city of innocent citizens. Of course, it is the mighty cola that saves the day, and in splendid fashion as well. The Reverse Trojan Horse has never seen such effective use. Anyway, here is a link to the commercial. 

Coca Cola's Border Commercial

Another offering from the beverage titan, and probably my personal favorite, this ad has more atmosphere and character than any I've seen in a long time. The ponderous music underscores the desolate life led by the two border guards, and their pained expressions as the plot develops are marvelous. Again, here is a link for your enjoyment.

Volkswagen's The Force Commercial

The fan favorite, and an excellent commercial in my opinion as well, this instant classic shows us the struggles of a young dark-side Jedi coming into his powers. The dad's expressions are probably what seal the deal. Here's the link.

Audi's Rich People Prison Commercial

It's really the script that gets me in this one. Tapping daintily on champagne glasses to stir up trouble? Playing Kenny G to pacify the rich? Hilarious. The one-liners are great too: "Lancaster no! It's a trap!" and of course, "Release the hounds." Watch it here.

Chrysler's Imported From Detroit Commercial

Yes, another car commercial. But this one was a super-sleek ballad of silken elegance. It was long, but it kept me entertained for its entirety which is more than most commercials can do for even a few seconds. Feel you screen exude class and debonair as you check it out here.

That's it for my list and that's mostly it for this post. I'm my next installment I'll weigh in on Sanderson's Mistborn trilogy and perhaps on mathematical matters, but for now I turn to the two movies watched by the midterm-weary first year physics graduate students last night. The first was the classic Jurassic Park and the second was the perhaps even more classic Die Hard. If you've seen the latter, than you know with certainly that I'm about to introduce the of the the greatest action hero villains of all time: Hans Gruber.

Leader of the mercenary band that takes over the Nakatomi building in the 1980's epic Die Hard, Hans Gruber is so many beautiful stereotypes rolled up into one. He has a diabolical scheme that relies on him predicting the actions of others, an evil German accent (this is different from a normal German accent), no patience for insolence and spouts one liners faster than you can say "villainous goatee." Unfortunately for Gruber, he find himself in the unfortunate position of being up against the unstoppable heroic force that is John McClane. Yet despite this insurmountable obstacle, he does pretty well for himself, managing to dupe the FBI, open a super-secured vault and kidnap the hero's wife before being shot and plummeting 30 stories to his doom.